Revisiting “The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action” by Audre Lorde

I’ve read Audre Lorde’s speech “The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action” several times over the past 3 years and each time I’ve read it, it’s resonated with a new part of me unearthed by life. Every. Time. Audre Lorde (1934-1992) is “a black feminist lesbian mother poet”, a woman celebrated for her poetry and radical womanist writings. Her speech, “The Transformation of Silence into Language and Action” was originally given during the Modern Language Association’s Lesbian and Literature panel on December 28, 1977 and was published in two of her books, The Cancer Journals and Sister Outsider. My instincts told me to reach for this text today, as I’ve made some personal breakthroughs that have encouraged me to seek the light at the end of a long, dark, tunnel.

I’ve been sitting in silence and darkness for months. Some of it was intentional on my part and some of it was crafted carefully for me by people who I originally believed deserved my trust. I became tired of the sensations of anxiety, triggered by Mondays, emails, and text messages; hated the feeling of dread pulling my chest and stomach taut. I am still tired. I spent months in silence. During the day I pulled back at work, went through the motions, ended my struggle for change, and felt defeated by bureaucracy. I sought the quiet of my room at night, avoided watching television, sat in the dark with my thoughts and worries. It became meditative. It was also healing, at first. But I soon became too comfortable living in silence. I withdrew from conversations with my closest friends, kept details of my life to myself. I felt unsure of myself, and my path. I doubted my instincts. I sought answers from the stars and in planetary alignments. I sought answers from my silence. I found peace. And I found apathy. Continue reading

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The Mythical World of Lina Iris Viktor

Art has the power to breathe life into us. When I first ran across the awe-inspiring work of Lina Iris Viktor I saw something that I didn’t know I needed: a reflection. Lina Iris Viktor is an accomplished conceptual artist and painter, whose work was showcased alongside Andy Warhol, Takashi Murakami, Jean-Michel Basquiat, Tom Sachs, Ryan McGinley, & Peter Beard. Viktor’s work is loud, striking, and unapologetic. It is ornate and minimalist; realistic yet mythical; and she strictly adheres to a color palate of royal blue, black, white, and 24 karat gold.  She is her own muse, and many of her paintings and performance art pieces are centered on her own body acting as a canvas, sheathed in rich fabric, or dripping in black and gold paint.  She places a great importance on photographing herself with her work: she aims to create an ongoing record of her world and the way she interacts with it. Often, these self-portraits feature Viktor posing and voguing alongside of her completed paintings. On her website, she wrote of her self-portraits:

There is often a certain abstraction – an otherworldliness – to her photographed work which moves between the real and the imagined, the concrete and the geometric. Viktor approaches her photographs with a compulsive perfection, and with a very succinct vision.

She encourages her own myth, reinforcing the impression of a perfectly sealed off cycle of existence in which elements of the work and her life become virtually interchangeable. This myth has been so fostered by Viktor in the way she lives and works, arranges her workspace – through her choice of attire, and the concepts she conveys in her paintings.

Her deeply held philosophies and her essence resides in her paintings, but her photographs offer a clear picture of how Viktor experiences her work and the world she creates. Her goals extend beyond a simple documentation of her paintings – her real ambition is to create a visual record, a time capsule, a memory of her own experience of it – of a period, a body of work, a time. She provides an account of her life and her art, which is inseparable from life itself as she lives it.

Lina Viktor’s work is so striking to me not only because of her pure talent for capturing her image and imagination, but because I see myself in her work. A certain quote by art critic Jon Updike comes to mind when I try to articulate what Viktor’s pieces do for me, “What art offers is space — a certain breathing room for the spirit.” There is something magical about Viktor’s presence in her work: as a black woman, she unapologetically takes up space and her energy is magnetic. Viktor’s work captures my gaze and engulfs me in her graphic, elaborate creations. In her self-portraits, Viktor peers back at me expectantly.

Viktor’s work appeals to my secret aesthetic. Anyone who knows me well knows that I adore toeing the line between classy and gaudy; I like extravagant textures, loud patterns and bold colors with classic shapes. I  do not show this woman to the world often. I am aware of the way others perceive me and carefully curate my outward appearance so as to not attract too much attention. As a black woman often occupying spaces where modesty is highly valued, I have to scale back, especially since my blackness and womanness garner enough attention alone. However, I refuse to hold myself back fully: I cannot resist fur scarves and coats; my royal blue and gold-studded trench coat; huge statement necklaces and earrings; richly patterned headscarves and pants; and high heels. In contrast, I am deliberately silent; observing the people and world around me carefully. When I do adorn my body boldly, I am comfortable in others’ gazes. Experiencing Lina Viktor’s work is seeing her living in her truth, and it’s a beautiful sight to see. I feel at home when I see her world, and it inspires me to want to live unapologetically in my own truth.

You can experience more of Lina Iris Victor’s work on her website, here.

Hello…It’s Me

It feels like I blinked and it was suddenly December. I’ve been gone for a minute and neglected to post on the places I visited through the end of the summer. The change in seasons (summer to fall to winter) brought so many changes in my personal life and I’ve been spending a lot of time nurturing myself and adjusting to my new life. This fall I broke up with my partner of almost a year after a difficult transition to long distance love and both of us needing self care to recover from episodes of depression. I threw myself into my new job, a temporary position as an Outdoor Experience instructor with the Parks and Recreation department. Since the day I accepted the position I had to defend my decision to my parents and peers and it definitely caused me to question myself and my career path.

However, interacting with kids and with my colleagues and role models in the Parks and Recreation department has been so rewarding that I know I should never doubt my intuition again. I’ve also dedicated myself to expanding my almost non-existent social circle by joining a womanist collective (like our page on Facebook for info on our events) and joining a friends effort to build a black literature centered college preparation organization for Philadelphia high school girls. I put a lot on my plate and I’m excited to continue documenting my life on this blog. The purpose of this blog isn’t to gain readers or popularity but to actively reflect on my life and challenge myself to be more outspoken and engage with the world a little bit more. Anyway, thank you for sticking with me through this blogging dry spell. Here’s some pictures from these past months, which include visits to:

Philadelphia Museum of Art

Benjamin Franklin Bridge

Springhouse Farm

Mixto Restaurant

Graffiti Bar

Wissahickon Park

Philly Trans March

The Metropolitan Museum of Art

Philadelphia’s Magic Gardens

Mount Moriah Cemetery

Logan Circle

Canoemobile on the Schuylkill River

Rooftop beekeeping in South Philly Continue reading

A Year in the Making

Roughly a year ago, I decided to start a blog as a way to find an outlet for my thoughts and feelings pertaining to my identities and interests.This post was originally written on July 15th, 2014 during my stay in Menomonie, WI for a research project last summer. My blogging journey began with this one post, and a list of sexist, racist, and classist experiences in the small town that I didn’t want to forget, entitled “Documenting my experiences being black in Wisconsin.” It seems fitting to me to start my blog with this journal entry, and to continue looking at the world around me through a critical lens. Continue reading